A Little Air Please

McKay made his way to Primary's for a big check up with his cardiologist today. Since he was last weighed, just 8 days ago, he's packed on another 3/4 of a pound to weigh in at 11 pounds 13 ounces. He is now 23 inches long (minus the hair), and still has saggy sats. His oxygen levels struck a bit of panic in his doc today as the pulse oximeter bounced a concerning read of just 55-63 when on his purple little foot. The doc asked the tech to recheck the sats using his wrist and he topped out at about 73. Better, but not awesome.

That performance earned Mac a new prescription that doubles his dose of O2 and a blood test. His cardiologist suspects he may be anemic. Apparently when the body is low on iron, the blood has a difficult time carrying oxygen as efficiently as it should. Unfortunately we won't know the results of that test until some time tomorrow. Those results could mean anything from McKay needing an iron supplement to a blood transfusion to raise his hematocrit. Let's hope for the vitamin, okay?

We have truly been dreading this appointment. And that dread seemed to crescendo this week as two of McKay's heart buddies went in for check ups and were admitted to the ICU when big-time concerns were found during their exams. These little sweethearts are good at big surprises. Fortunately for us, the biggest surprise we got today (aside from the iron thing) was his doc's decision to reevaluate him again in four weeks. That means no surgery in November. She said she can live with his condition "as is" for a while longer and thinks four more weeks will be a good time to check back and most likely start scheduling all the pre-op hoops (including the cath I had hoped to avoid) we'll have to jump through before McKay's next surgery.

We are learning more through this experience than I think we will ever be able to fully explain. Today, for me, was about trust. I realized tonight that this week has been "off" a bit at home because I let my anxiety about today's appointment creep into every aspect of our lives. The boys seemed too loud, the days too short, the house too messy, and so much of what I've vowed to appreciate in my day to day routine, too trivial. I did not give this hurdle over to the Lord the way I should have and I was not strong enough to carry it well. I have to trust the Lord will provide what McKay needs, when he needs it. That He will give us the clarity, strength, and understanding we need, when we need it. No more days in slow motion, paralyzed by "What if?" Isn't the "what is" enough to handle anyway?

We had the happy opportunity today to visit Matt's cousin Cassie, her husband and new baby while at Primary's. Sweet Cooper and his parents have been through some dark days, but things are looking better. Cooper is going on six weeks post surgery (forgive me if my timing is a bit off Cass!) and may finally be looking toward home. He looks like such a little warrior--battle scars and all. What a life he is being prepared to lead. You can just see the experience in his innocent eyes already--such a strong soul! Our continued prayers and good thoughts are with them tonight.

Tomorrow I will start again, anxious for the blood test results but not hesitating to live until they come. It's time to start new--regroup with a fresh attitude of trust, hope and peace. Here's to a few days of gorgeous, crisp fall sunshine and the good news that is sure to come on days as beautiful as these.