Sunday, March 1, 2009

I Have Some Questions...

Today, I have some questions:
  • Why does a heart ache? And once it starts, will it ever stop?
  • Why are some of the best people I know made to go through the worst times?
  • Why are some of the smallest among us asked to bear the biggest burdens?
  • Why is hope given and then taken away?
  • If we learn the lesson quickly enough, does the trial end sooner?
  • Why do the best kinds of prayers, made by the best kinds of people, seem to go unanswered and they are made to watch as the desire of their hearts is given to another?

Today, I know these things to be true:

  • Life is a complete hairball.
  • Today is a total gift.
  • God loves us as individuals.
  • Families are forever.
  • The world is full of some really deep down good people.
  • I don't need all the answers (although it would be nice and I'm really very good at keeping secrets).
  • There is a plan~ and when you get a small glimpse of its wonder, you are never the same again.

I'm in a melancholy, reflective mood tonight. Wondering on the week to come and feeling the weight of decisions that need to be made sooner than later. A clean house. The right school. A faster time. Ten more pounds. Folded socks. Does it matter? Of course it does. Does it matter as much as other things? Things that God really wants us to focus on? Definitely not. I was introduced to this quote recently and although its weight struck me right away, I am still pondering to understand it fully.

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
- Gandhi

Yes--that guy most definitely got through the gate. Did he believe in "The Gate"? Not sure. But he's so through it, I'm sure he does now.

I will pray this week for understanding. For peace. For faith to be reassured and hope restored. I know it is not for me to know the why of all things but only to figure out the how of getting through it a better person than I started. I will pray for new friends and impossible trials that could just as soon be mine as theirs. And why aren't they? I will thank God they are not. And pray they will never be. I will pray with gratitude for God's mercy and focus with clarity on the fact that His mercy is the only thing that separates any of us from anyone else on the planet. Yes, I have some questions. But luckily, I know where to go for answers. Pray they come quickly.

2 comments:

Hallowsboys said...

You amaze me...you inspire me...
you help me...you are on the same page as me...you give me peace and hope...you truly are special!

This post was extraordinary for me...as I have over the past couple weeks been asking myself the same things, not in your eloquent way but I have a long list of questions when I meet my father in heaven someday and you have covered most of them.

Emily said...

Mindi - Absolutely beautiful. I find it amazing that these same questions apply in so many different circumstances. I just spent the past five days in Texas with some friends. A baby was born last Thursday, and they were supposed to adopt this beautiful little boy. The birth mother and her family are absolutely incredible. They have prayed and fasted and really believe that this little soul was meant for my friend's family. Unfortunately, the birth father, exercising his "agency" is doing everything possible to stop it. He has made it clear that he does not want full custody, but he just can't stand the thought of somebody else raising what is rightfully "his." In the middle of it all is this perfectly innocent baby. It is so sad. I have asked all of these questions this past week on their behalf. At this point, all we can do is pray. And you are right - let's pray that the answers come quickly.

Sending a lot of love to Grace's family. What a long, tough journey they have been through and have ahead of them.