Little Scare, Lotta Love

We just rolled in from another run to the pediatrician's office. McKay has started some minor internal bleeding. We noticed it in his stool late Thursday night and called the NP on call at Primary's. She said bringing him into the ER was more risky due to rampant RSV admits than waiting and just watching it to make sure it didn't continue or worsen; two days later it hasn't stopped.

Tonight his doc did a blood test and chest x-ray and all seems well on those fronts. At this point he's concerned his uber-frequent (2-3 bowel movements an hour) and sometimes bloody stools might be associated with profusion issues to his digestive tract. That means there's a complication that's developed that is causing the body to redirect blood from the digestive system to other parts of the body. It's not good. I say, NO! I am not doing this. He's been fine. He'll be fine.

Of course all of this may be what's contributing to McKay's worsening sleep patterns and my subsequent lack of clear thinking. Will there ever be a day when I don't worry about this baby? I mean a day without exhausting real, true, valid worries? I am feeling myself becoming a little too anxious when I'm not near him, checking on him a neurotic number of times, checking and double checking his meds. I am seriously not like this in the real world. I'm fun. I'm spontaneous. I'm so laid back people have actually commented on it. I'm so not me right now. I was really hoping for some trivial, normal baby weirdness tonight. Ughhh.

The plan is for his ped, cardiologist, and cardiothoracic surgeon to pow-wow on Monday. Somebody please come up with something! I know they will. Mac has amazing docs and when they get together, I'm sure they will figure this thing out.

In the meantime, it's my favorite angel, Anonymous, who keeps me hoping and praying for all things healthy and good. As has become a wonderful part of our life lately, another mini miracle dropped its anonymous little self off on our doorstep last night. I scooped up the festively wrapped package and brought it inside for closer inspection. I really didn't know what to say except, "People are really amazing; really so amazing." Sitting in front of us was a tangible, hold it, touch it, peruse it, flip through it, printed version of our entire 2008 blog. It was kind of amazing to behold. First because of its volume. Have I really written that much? And second because of its content. Have I really worked through all those emotions with all of you? Have you really put up with reading so much of our inside story? It was a volume to behold and it will become a treasure for our family for a long time to come. Thank you, thank you my little anonymous angel. I would love for you to reveal yourself so I can give you more than just a cyber hug. Consider it, okay?

So cross your fingers for McKay one more time won't you? Cross your fingers that this mystery trouble will pass and he will sleep and we can pretend we are normal again. Cross your fingers for that. No. On second thought, forget the fingers. Please kneel on your knees instead. Huge love to you all.