You know the saying, "I try to take it one day at a time, but lately several days have attacked me at once"? That is exactly how I'm feeling lately. I don't know if it was Halloween or the fact that I still don't quite have my feet under the three kids thing yet, but I cannot recall a time in my life when I have felt so busy but accomplished so little.
My house of cards seems to hinge on the predictiable. Which, unfortuately, accounts for a mere 30 percent of my day. I can predict what time breakfast will be, when the kids will be to a from school, and the fact that they rest of the day is up for grabs. It's seriously maddening.
So give it up all you seasoned, amazing, put-together moms out there. What's the secret? Does this get easier? Do you just learn what to let go of? (Because lately I've chosen to let go of the ironing and Matt is not loving that.) Right now I feel like I want to hold on to everything "normal" so tightly that I'm being stretched in crazy ways. I want to do everything that we always have and I feel so frustrated and sad when it's just not possible. I think some deep breaths and a real effort at reprioritizing may be in order.
Flu and RSV season is officially on and our little quaratine for Mr. McKay has just begun. I'm already wondering if my kids will care or even notice if we don't go to a movie on Thanksgiving this year? What about the Festival of Trees? Can we go sledding? Ice skating? No, we're not on official lockdown (we can spend short times in small crowds as long as he stays covered in his car seat and away from people), but the sign on our door (thanks to our creative Grandma Sheri) sends a serious message in a kind way saying:
We love our friends and family, but we love our baby more.
Coughs, sneezes, or no flu shot, you'll have to visit at the door.
There is just something about having to feel on guard 24/7 for invisible and silent invaders (germs) that is exhausting to me. I'm trying not to turn my sanitzer-loving self or my kids into clean freaks, but I can definitely feel some mental side effects coming on.
We are very anxious about McKay's cardiology check up next week. Will they say it's time to prep for his surgery? Will they send us home to finish out the year? Will this never ending cycle of oxygen continue into the eternities?? One wonders.
This is McKay's one week supply of oxygen. We leave the empty tanks outside in the morning and a new crop is there by nightfall. Magical!
McKay is a cute little bucket of sunshine, though. He laughs and yells at his brothers to the point where he puts Preston into hysterical laughter. His happy spirit is such a gift. I will do all I can to help him continue to look at life through smiling eyes.
Special thanks to loving Aunties who spoil him rotten and protect him like no other when I have to be away. They keep me sane. Thank you.