Little Lines

We all have little lines we draw in life. How far we'll go with this... or how long it will take us to get to that. We draw those little lines in the sand--in our minds--all the time.

McKay has a different little line. One to which I've become quite attached.

This is the second of two large scars McKay bares from his previous surgeries: The Blalock-Taussig Shunt which he received at just two days old and which left him with a large semi circle of a scar that extends under his right arm and around to his back and the Glenn or Hemi-Fontan which left the perfectly-centered beauty you see above.

And I do think it's beautiful.

I'm actually a little sad it's getting replaced tomorrow. Replaced with a new line that will tell the story of his Fontan. I'm sad because this little line has come to symbolize a strong will, a fighting spirit, a reason to be. It was the result of an impossible tomorrow tackled and overcome when Mac was just three months old. It came when I was in a state of mind to think this was a good day:

You see, Mac's tiny little line and me--we have a history. It saved his life. It taught me about hope and faith. Real faith. It taught me what it means to appreciate. Days. Hours. Moments. Time. And it has given us just that: time. But as tiny little lines are want to do, it's time to be redrawn.

So McKay, as I sit and listen to you breathe in the makeshift crib next to my bed tonight too many miles away from home to count, I will not sleep. I will worry and pray and think silly thoughts about missing your beautiful, perfect little gift of a line. Because that's what moms do in situations like this. Because there is nothing else to be done.

I want you to know that today, as we ventured out to the aquarium to see the "ish" (primarily just so I could hear you chant that as we walked past all the tanks, "ish, ish, ish"), I saw in you the man I hope this surgery will help you to become:

You were thoughtful and curious and happy.

You took time to size up the situation and appreciate the beauty and wonder that surrounded you.



And then you walked right up to confront, explore and experience it all face to face.

Please do that for me tomorrow little one. And I will remind myself to do the same.

xoxo,

Mom
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If you're curious, here's a little more about McKay's procedures straight from the doctors who will operate on him tomorrow:

Single Ventricles and The Blalock-Taussig Shunt

The Glenn or Hemi-Fontan
The Fontan