Thursday, July 8, 2010

Little Lines

We all have little lines we draw in life. How far we'll go with this... or how long it will take us to get to that. We draw those little lines in the sand--in our minds--all the time.

McKay has a different little line. One to which I've become quite attached.

This is the second of two large scars McKay bares from his previous surgeries: The Blalock-Taussig Shunt which he received at just two days old and which left him with a large semi circle of a scar that extends under his right arm and around to his back and the Glenn or Hemi-Fontan which left the perfectly-centered beauty you see above.

And I do think it's beautiful.

I'm actually a little sad it's getting replaced tomorrow. Replaced with a new line that will tell the story of his Fontan. I'm sad because this little line has come to symbolize a strong will, a fighting spirit, a reason to be. It was the result of an impossible tomorrow tackled and overcome when Mac was just three months old. It came when I was in a state of mind to think this was a good day:

You see, Mac's tiny little line and me--we have a history. It saved his life. It taught me about hope and faith. Real faith. It taught me what it means to appreciate. Days. Hours. Moments. Time. And it has given us just that: time. But as tiny little lines are want to do, it's time to be redrawn.

So McKay, as I sit and listen to you breathe in the makeshift crib next to my bed tonight too many miles away from home to count, I will not sleep. I will worry and pray and think silly thoughts about missing your beautiful, perfect little gift of a line. Because that's what moms do in situations like this. Because there is nothing else to be done.

I want you to know that today, as we ventured out to the aquarium to see the "ish" (primarily just so I could hear you chant that as we walked past all the tanks, "ish, ish, ish"), I saw in you the man I hope this surgery will help you to become:

You were thoughtful and curious and happy.

You took time to size up the situation and appreciate the beauty and wonder that surrounded you.

And then you walked right up to confront, explore and experience it all face to face.

Please do that for me tomorrow little one. And I will remind myself to do the same.

If you're curious, here's a little more about McKay's procedures straight from the doctors who will operate on him tomorrow:

Single Ventricles and The Blalock-Taussig Shunt


brees said...

I sat with Kimmers and Jimmers at softball today! Kim and I talked about how much you mean to both of us! Thousands of thoughts and prayers are with you from all over the world! We love you!!

The Simmons Family said...

Good Luck tomorrow!! I know it will be a wild day full of emotions. McKay is in good hands and we're praying for a quick recovery.

Summer said...

Praying ALL goes well!!! I love your analogy of the lines
:) They make our little men who they are! And oh how i feel for you being so far from home!!!

Lots of LOVE,
Summer and Mason

The Butlers said...

Wow. Thank you for the darling pictures, beautiful words and for the link explaining the procedure McKay will conquer tomorrow. It appears these doctors are very, very knowledgeable and that your baby's heart will literally be in great hands! Prayers will be said and good thoughts sent your way all day tomorrow. Get well wishes for a great and positive recovery. Love, The Butlers

Jeff and Andee said...

Tears flow as I read your post. Four weeks ago Gracelyn had her Glenn and I felt that same strange feeling about her "line" (her BT shunt was done through her chest). That line that I was so worried about hating, has actually grown to mean so much. I was sad to see it go. It has been replaced by a new one that tells a different story.

We will be praying for you, your boys at home and your little man.


jaci said...

You make me cry. What a beautiful post. I'm praying for you and matt and sweet McKay tonight. May you feel our love and cheers here at home.
I love you,

christie said...

What a beautiful post! There are no words! Thinking of you & your sweet boy.

GG said...

So glad to see your post...Best wishes for a great tomorrow..
Our prayers are with you and McKay.
What a beautiful little man you have...

Jenny Lincoln said...

What a great post. I"m sitting here with tears in my eyes. Good luck today. Our family will keep McKay in our thoughts and prayers for a successful Fontan and a smooth recovery.

Hope's Blog said...

Oh my...your post got me crying first thing this morning. Their lines mean the world to me too. I stare at Hope's line and know that it saved her life. McKay and your whole family will be in my constant prayers today.

Stefenie said...

What an amazing post! Sending up so many prayers for your special guy heading into surgery. I know how very hard it is to let them go into the arms of someone else. {{{HUG}}}

God will carry all of you through!