Monday, October 19, 2009

Not Me! Monday

I’m a decent housekeeper. I’m not perfect, but respectable. On a scale of Martha Stewart to the hoarders on Oprah, I’m about an 8. (Excluding my bathroom.) It’s a good thing too, because McKay loves to put EVERYTHING he finds into his mouth.

McKay’s penchant for exotic snack selections has turned me into quite an expert at the finger sweep. I’ve fished out paper, toys, even a leaf that drifted down onto his high chair tray during a picnic this summer and was promptly sacrificed to his adventurous appetite. Remember the toy he managed to eat and nearly choked on when he was still a toothless six month old? He chews faster when he sees me coming toward him rubbing sanitizer into my hands because he knows his latest meal will soon be extracted. It’s both hilarious and scary.

That is why I did not COMPLETELY LOSE IT when we found McKay nibbling away on something horridly unacceptable at a friend’s vacation home recently.

We arrived late and as we went about the house turning on lights and getting the boys settled for bed, McKay was exploring his new surroundings with joyful abandon. After five hours in the car he had caught a second wind and was unstoppable.

Matt and I were mid-conversation when we turned to look at McKay and identify the unnatural crunching sound that was coming from his direction. Sure enough he had all five of his teeth hard at work on something yet to be discovered.

Matt told me he had this one and walked quickly over to Mac to pull out whatever toy he was nibbling on now. Only it wasn’t a toy.

“Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?” Matt kept repeating.

I ran over to see if he needed some help.

“What is it this time?” I asked.

“You don’t want to know,” he said. “Let me just say that I’m pretty sure he still has a wing in there.”

“WHAT!?!” I shouted as I thrust my index finger into McKay’s mouth attempting to extract whatever was still in there.

“It was a cricket. A big, brown cricket,” Matt said.

I felt myself get nauseous.

“You mean the kind the seagulls ate?” I asked Matt. “You mean the kind people on Survivor refuse to touch until about day 32?”

McKay just beamed and continued to gnaw at whatever remnants were still embedded in his voluminous cheeks. Honestly.

Leave a known scavenger alone long enough to forage for disgusting things to eat? Not me! Feed my children bugs? Not me! Feel as though I might hurl every time I think of it. Yes. That last one is definitely me.


Jenny said...

I was waiting for you to say he found some dog feces or something like that. The cricket was a bit of a relief! It won't be long before this stage is gone. I promise!

Christina C said...

Yuck! Of course he likes bugs...he's growing up to be a perfectly normal BOY =) Hilarious post!

jaci said...

That is funny! Not really, but kind of! That little tank must be hungry! So gross! I love the Survivor comment! LOL
Can you truly believe how much boys eat?! We are going to be poor Mindi! I swear I live at the grocery store!
I just love you. Hope you are well.
Love, Jaci

The Simmons Family said...

HILARIOUS!!! That sounds like something Owen would do. He'll pop anything in his mouth, chomp away and then store it in his cheeks for winter. I am also a PRO at the finger sweep! Crickets are a delicacy. :)

Whitney said...


Emily said...

Too funny! I bet you were incredibly grateful that Matt took care of it. There are moments in a baby's development when I can feel myself breathe a little easier. The moment when they decide not to instinctively shove absolutely everything into their mouths is one of them. Sounds like you've got a little longer to worry though.

Tawn said...

Cute little cricket eater! LOL! Glad he was ok! If it helps, just think of it as a delicacy in other countries.....he-he! Hey I'm just sayin! And at least it wasn't POOP!