Time to Focus

So I began this blog six months ago and have not touched it since. However, I think now might be a good time to start.

After losing a baby last summer, we were thrilled at the unexpected but highly-welcomed prospect of welcoming a third little boy into our crazy house (Due August 28, 2008).

Our joy was tempered last week, however, when we received some heartbreaking news about his tiny little heart. At my 20-week ultrasound the sonographer detected some abnormalities in the heart. We were referred to a specialist with the University of Utah's high risk pregnancy group and met with him this Wednesday. Unfortunately, he confirmed the diagnosis of a hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS) and an accompanying large VSD. If you know what that means, I'm highly impressed. If you don't, you're in the same boat I was. Basically, our little guy has a severely underdeveloped left ventricle which means he will be unable to supply his body with oxygenated blood once he's born. The VSD, refers to a second problem which is a hole between the two sides of his heart.

How or why this happened, we have no idea. And at this point it doesn't matter. We're learning that the condition is genetic, which surprised us because no one in either of our families has a history of the condition. We are also learning that this means our little guy will have an eventful first few days and perhaps years of his life, beginning with his first of a series of open heart surgeries to repair the problems beginning just days after he's born.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I feel so sincerely blessed to be having this baby at this time. Of course I'm terrified. I'm terrified about getting him here just as strong and safely as I can. I am terrified about watching him go through so much so soon. I am terrified about being the wife and mother the other boys in my life deserve to have through all of this. But most of all I feel blessed. Blessed that this baby is being born to us, at this time, in this place and with all the medical and emotional resources a child with his needs could want for. I feel blessed to have time to prepare for this trial--many families find out only at birth, when their child starts turn blue that there is a problem.

This little guy has nothing to prove. He is a perfect spirit sent from our Heavenly Father for us to watch over, protect and love. Truly, this trial is for us--to learn from, to grow from, to have the blessings it will bring into our life.

Today, we are heartbroken, but stay positive know that all is in God's hands and in God's time.