I Have Some Questions...

Today, I have some questions:

• Why does a heart ache? And once it starts, will it ever stop?
• Why are some of the best people I know made to go through the worst times?
• Why are some of the smallest among us asked to bear the biggest burdens?
• Why is hope given and then taken away?
• If we learn the lesson quickly enough, does the trial end sooner?
• Why do the best kinds of prayers, made by the best kinds of people, seem to go unanswered and they are made to watch as the desire of their hearts is given to another?

Today, I know these things to be true:

• Life is a complete hairball.
• Today is a total gift.
• God loves us as individuals.
• Families are forever.
• The world is full of some really deep down good people.
• I don't need all the answers (although it would be nice and I'm really very good at keeping secrets).
• There is a plan~ and when you get a small glimpse of its wonder, you are never the same again.

I'm in a melancholy, reflective mood tonight. Wondering on the week to come and feeling the weight of decisions that need to be made sooner than later. A clean house. The right school. A faster time. Ten more pounds. Folded socks. Does it matter? Of course it does. Does it matter as much as other things? Things that God really wants us to focus on? Definitely not. I was introduced to this quote recently and although its weight struck me right away, I am still pondering to understand it fully.

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
- Gandhi

Yes--that guy most definitely got through the gate. Did he believe in "The Gate"? Not sure. But he's so through it, I'm sure he does now.

I will pray this week for understanding. For peace. For faith to be reassured and hope restored. I know it is not for me to know the why of all things but only to figure out the how of getting through it a better person than I started. I will pray for new friends and impossible trials that could just as soon be mine as theirs. And why aren't they? I will thank God they are not. And pray they will never be. I will pray with gratitude for God's mercy and focus with clarity on the fact that His mercy is the only thing that separates any of us from anyone else on the planet. Yes, I have some questions. But luckily, I know where to go for answers. Pray they come quickly.

Can You Hear Me Now?

We could get used to hearing news like we heard today about McKay's ears. And thankfully now we know whatever we hear, McKay will too. After failing two Otoacoustic Emissions Testing (OAE) auditory screenings and having some of the risk factors associated with hearing loss including the use of strong antibiotics and a long stay in ICU, McKay was referred for a more intensive Auditory Brain Stem Response (ABR) test. All fancy names and expensive tests to find out that (hooray!) Mr. Mac will never be able to tell me, "I didn't hear you, mom."

As you can see from the pic, McKay was out cold for the test. This because I was told to sleep deprive the poor dear to avoid having to sedate him which is always more risky for his heart. I did insane things to keep McKay awake today for his 3 pm evaluation including using the occasional kiss of an ice pack during the ride to the hospital to make sure he didn't visit dreamland too early. Borderline abusive--I know. But it worked. He was all too happy to give in to sleep when we finally let him and was a perfect patient during the testing.

Basically the test measured McKay's brain's response to sound. Earpieces placed in his ear canals conducted sound while electrodes on his forehead and just behind his earlobes tracked the sound moving through the ear to the brain. We were more than relieved to hear the tech say everything looked perfect.

They advised us to pay attention to his language development and still want to see McKay again in a year or two to double check the findings, but as far as the little dear's ears go we are free and clear for now. Thank you so much for all your prayers and concern~ I truly believe God knows we can only take one challenge at a time!

And Then He Was Four

Preston is FOUR today!

A remarkable feat considering just moments ago this was you...

Making your first unbreakable bonds with your brother.

Full of innocence and wonder.

You've always had such a great smile and great hair.

Both worth mentioning since your darling looks have saved your life more than once...
Not so slowly you changed from my content-to-play,
sit-and-stay

to my can't-slow-down-even-for-a-minute BRUISER .

(Eye courtesy a freak Thomas the Train incident...)

You have been an adventure my darling Preston.

Born at just the right time to nurse a broken grandfather back to health...

You have a special gift for understanding the unspoken.

(And you're scary smart.)

The first time you recited the alphabet at 2 1/2 years old you did it backward--perfectly. It was astonishing and a lovely party trick for the months that followed before preschool teachers ruined you into saying it like everyone else.

Fact is, you have a special spark. A passionate spirit your dad and I have vowed to focus and direct, but never fully tame. It will serve you well in the many years and accomplishments to come.

You experience life at full blast and we love you for it. Stay true to that crazy little drummer inside you little big man and march forward. We'll try to keep up.

xoxo~Mom and Dad.

Prayers for Gracie

I just need to say how hard and intently we are praying for Gracie today. It's been a cruel roller coaster ride of emotions and decisions for her family and her tiny body. Please, please Lord bless this family and this baby with peace and hope and love. Please guide and direct her doctors and her parents to thy will. If a miracle is in store, please bring it to pass. We continue to pray for thy tender mercies to visit this child and her family.

http://www.thegledhillfamily.blogspot.com/

The Alpha Male

The boy likes to eat!

When it comes to determining the alpha male of a household soon to be full of far too much testosterone, it's all about the stats--height, weight, speed, strength.

Ty has solidly held the alpha role through every stage of childhood thus far when compared to his brothers. He was born the biggest, he progressed the fastest, he did everything earlier than the others. That is until McKay's six month well check yesterday. Here's how his most recent stats compare:

At six months old:

Tyler: 17 pounds 4 ounces/ 27 inches long

Preston: 16 pounds 1.5 ounces/ 26 inches long

McKay: 17 pounds 14.5 ounces/ 27 and 3/4 inches long (that's the 97th percentile for those of you playing at home!!)

What? My sickest baby is my healthiest baby? He's snatched the alpha spot from Ty for now? The pediatrician just laughed and said he's never seen anything like it. He was half expecting McKay to let his little thumper slow his growth after such a quick and robust beginning. But as of today, there are no signs McKay intends to let the stereotype define him. Right on Mr. Independent. "But don't be fooled," the doc went on to warn, "Any type of infection or illness could become a major setback--don't let your guard down just yet." Will do.

As for the surprise hearing fiasco, I was hoping to hear the ped say it was common for kids to fail their first screening. Apparently it's not. He said about 1 in 1,000 kids fail. We'll head in to Primary's for the brain stem response test on Wednesday. Let's hope for a reversal on the issue, huh?

Lastly, I discussed McKay's abhorrent sleep habits with the doc. He asked if McKay was still sleeping in our room. No--not for months. How often is he waking? Every 2-3 hours. How long do we let him cry? Not at all. In fact, we're in his room within seconds of the first fuss. "Aha!" the doc replies. "He has trained you."

Now hold on here. We were told not to let the darling cry, that it would be too much for his heart. Apparently that was advice for before his Glenn and during his recovery. Now he is good to go for some down and dirty Ferberizing. Hmmm. Am I?

"Do you promise he won't explode?"

"What?" his ped says in a half surprised laugh.

"I have nightmares his little heart will explode, the stitches will come undone, all because I let him cry," I explain.

(The doc is in full blown laughter now.) "No, I 100 percent promise McKay will not explode. That said, I understand what you're saying and it is totally up to you as to what you want to do, of course."

So what's your vote? Let him cry it out for a few nights and be done? What do the heart moms have to say? Has this been an issue for your post-surgery kiddos? I would love to know...almost as much as I would love to sleep. :)

Gracie Girl Gets a Heart!!

HALLELUJAH! Our darling heart friend and hero Gracie did not have to wait long for the phone call that will change and save her life. After being listed for her transplant on Wednesday, her sweet family got the magic, tragic, nerve rattling, hope-filled call just a few hours ago (Saturday night) that a heart was available for Gracie.

As much as we cheer and pray and then cheer and pray some more for this remarkable family, it is not my place, nor my privilege to tell this little fighter's story. Please check Gracie's blog for all the details in the days and months to come. What a miracle.

Six Months

Six months ago I was wearing quite a different size.

Six months ago I had one of the best...

and worst experiences of my life.

Six months ago everything changed.

For all of us.

Starting that day, we changed the way we measure time.

There is only before McKay...

and after.

We prefer after.

Happy six months old Mac-e-Moo.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.